5th March 2015

I will not forget this date of course. The date of loosing a great person in my life. Orang yang sanggup korbankan apa je untuk anak-anak cucu-cucu dia, yang langsung tidak sedarah. Yang langsung tidak sepertalian. Yang wujud tiap satu anaknya itu dari keluarga yang berlainan, dari agama yang berbeza, tapi dibela dalam satu keluarga Islam yang tak pernah lokek sifat Ar-Rahimnya. Maka, insyaAllah dengan berkembangnya tiap satu mujahidin Islam dalam kalangan kami, akan kami salurkan pahala-pahala itu kepada insan-insan hebat ini.

Ahmad bin Ibrahim.

He is a fighter, a true fighter. He is strong enough to go through his life, in his ups and downs without being attached to other people. Never even once he wanted to trouble ppl around him. Sepanjang hayat dia, setiap masa, tenaga dan wang dia adalah untuk anak-anak peliharaannya. Setiap tahun, aku balik Sarawak, duduk dengan dia, tujuan aku cuma satu. balas jasa-jasa dia yang takpernah terkira. dulu mungkin aku takfaham, tapi makin aku besar, makin aku faham apa maksud pengorbanan sebenar. by just looking at his eyes, i could see how struggle he was, before. setiap kali balik Sarawak, kalau dulu, dia akan ikut sama ambik dekat airport. dia tak banyak cakap, tapi senyuman dia dah cukup menunjukkan betapa dia bahagia bila tengok anak cucu balik. kami balik tak selalu, hujung-hujung tahun and also raya yang sekejap, tapi dengan pengharapan supaya dia puas di setiap ketika luangan masa kami. tapi sejak beberapa tahun lepas, he will just wait for us at home. dia akan tunggu kami sampai, duduk atas bangku di beranda sambil sebelah kakinya dilipat letak atas bangku. bila kami turun kereta, jelas simpulan senyumnya terpapar indah. bila kami anak-beranak berhempas pulas angkut segala bagasi and kotak-kotak naik tangga nak bawa masuk ke rumah, tergelak kecil dia tengok kitorang. aku  tahu, dia nak tolong. tapi kudrat yang dia ada membataskan segalanya.

and you know? which part is the hardest? when we have to say goodbye. every goodbye is like the worst thing in our life. you got to leave him alone again. nampak, dari riak muka seribu kedutan dia betapa dia tak rela nak lepaskan kepulangan kami, but he understands us. kami masing-masing masih ada tanggungjawab untuk dilangsaikan. 

Last time I met him was last year, during the end of year (school holiday). i got the chance to take care of him even just for awhile. he was still healthy that time, he could still walk and eat. its just, adalah juga sakit-sakit sikit, biasalah tu kan. and since weeks ago, we got a shock news telling that he can barely walk and eat. he has lost his appetite. my expectation was, he could survive. i could still visit him on this 24th until 26th april. i also thought that i could take care of him during sem break this coming may, but Allah loves him more.

you know? what fears me the most? a phone call that i received and telling me that someone has gone forever. it is seriously the worst nightmare ever. i was in the class during i answered my daddy's call and i can hardly control my tears. i cried non stop. it hurts me that i didnt have the chance to meet him for the last time. i wish, i could go back to Sarawak. but i cant. ;(

alhamdulillah, majlis pengebumian berjalan lancar. urusan semua dipermudah. hembusan nafasnya yang terakhir juga menenangkan.

Moga arwah tenang di sana, moga nanti kita ditemukan di syurga. moga Allah lindungkan Insan hebat ini, dan diterima segala amal ibadat di dunia. amiin.

i wonder hows our life will be without him afterwards. mesti rasa kosong. hm this is my first time experiencing a person who has gone forever, and i tell you, its hard.